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May 6, 2004

I was going to wait on the update until I could share photos of the new kitty, but I just can't wait. The Friends season finale is on tonight! And you know what!?

















FUCK FRIENDS!



That's right, I said it. Fuck Ross and fuck Phoebe. Fuck the indistinguishable squealy Monica and Rachel. Fuck both fat and skinny Chandler. And fuck Joey right in his stupid spinoff.

I am so damn sick of all this touchy-feely moronic Friends bullshit. I can't check my email or call my girlfriend without hearing about how sad it is that some stupid sitcom is going off the air, and I'd better not even think about turning on the TV. Every network has their own stupid Friends special; I tried to watch Comedy Central and even they were running a Conan O'brien episode which spent 15 minutes blathering on about it.

Until this week, if you'd asked me about Friends, I'd have said it was a pretty good show. Yeah, a lot of the episodes were really funny. But now they're chucking all of that in favor of shitty soap opera nonsense that I, for one, don't care about. I don't care who so-and-so is marrying or whose baby they have or who's moving where. And when every media source on the planet is bombarding you 24 hours a day with publicity about something you don't give a shit about, it wears on your nerves a little.

I've got a great idea for the Friends finale: something crazy like a funny episode. That's right: no tear-jerkers, no heartfelt goodbyes, no bullshit. But of course, that's impossible; you can't end a show like Friends that way! What would the series finale be without heaps and heaps and heaps of pointless schlock? So I've got an idea for the big twist: we cash in on the reality TV fad and dump the entire cast, writing staff, and production team of Friends in the middle of the Pacific. If anyone swims to Los Angeles without drowning or getting eaten by sharks, they win a bullet in the head.

The series finale of Friends is not important.

It is not interesting.

It is not worth my time.

Fuck Friends.
Nick ::: 7:53 PM ::: 0 comments

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