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May 24, 2005

So now I'm a homeleaser. It's white, it has a big ol' front porch, and it's surrounded by kudzu and ivy. Very deep south. The floor plan looks vaguely like a Clue board; a grid of big, square rooms with nary a proper hallway in sight. No secret passages, sadly. It's HUMONGOUS.

I theorize that HUMUNGOUS is a word that cannot be spelled correctly. If someday man discovers the unequivocally correct spelling of the word HUMONGUOUS, the world will end. However this is, like evolution, only a theory.

In other news, sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman.

Which comes up because a guy on the drive-thru gave me One, the collection of the Beatles' hit singles, as a tip the other day. It's amazing how good some of these songs are, and (though some of you (Drew) will want to kill me for saying this) how BAD others are. Yellow Submarine? I Want to Hold Your Hand? Gag me with a spoon? Kudos to Winamp, however, for allowing me to edit these abominations out of my playlist.

GUESS WHAT! My favorite band is currently recording an album and it will come out in February or March '06!!! They will also be TOURING around the same time! You simply cannot imagine my giddy, childlike anticipation, because most of you know me as a dour, cynical bastard not unlike House, M.D. of the eponymous t.v. program. But when I think about another RADIOHEAD CONCERT, I act more like, I don't know, Sabrina the teenage witch's zany aunt. And I HATE zaniness!

Honestly, I do. Try this: Think of something, anything zany, like word association. Now note your facial expression. Grimacing? Cringing? Covering your face? Nobody - other than television executives at ABC - likes zaniness. "Zany" is just another word for "desperate for laughs without being anything remotely approaching funny."

But for Radiohead... for Radiohead, I could be zany.
Nick ::: 11:03 PM ::: 0 comments

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