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Feb 22, 2003

Ah, news.

1. I'm back from the Vestavia Hills tourney in Alabama. I'm tired and malnourished and inordinately happy to see a toilet that hasn't been wedged halfway under a counter. I'm also sick to death of Dave Barry, Ray Romano, and Woody Allen, because every HI'er in that godforsaken state uses a piece written by one of them.

2. All of the stereotypes about Alabamans are true. The school's mascot is a Rebel and you can't spit in the damn building without hitting a giant picture of an old southern planter with a goatee and a monacle. The bathroom graffiti's ignorance outdoes Georgia's by any stretch of the imagination. The buildings are fucked up, the roads are ridiculous, and the inhabitants are inbred hicks who can't pronounce "antithesis."

4. Somehow, every Alabaman HI'er can use a piece by Dave Barry, Ray Romano, or Woody Allen, without a single one of them spelling any of their names correctly.

5. I made great progress with my IE. I think it's really worthy of the competition. However, the Alabaman scheduling is such that I still haven't seen my ballots, and their selection process for HI finals was, as Drew might put it, seriously whacko. I guess I'll find out all about it later.

6. Some goddamn Juniors have taken my Very Secret Diary of Mr. Jones and posted it on their websites without even letting me know. Come on, guys, if there's any praise and adulation coming my way, I think I at least deserve to hear it. You may reproduce anything on here with impunity, but I'd at least like a link to wherever it ends up.

7. I am now -- drumroll please -- an officially sanctioned National Merit Finalist. And the heavens opened up, and money rained upon the people of the land, and there was much rejoicing; and the Lord leaned back in His holy swivel chair, and He saw that it was good.
Nick ::: 9:51 PM ::: 0 comments