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Feb 26, 2005

Have thin mints. Am trying to eat them slowly. Am having better luck saving thin mints than saving dinner mints. Ate four bags of dinner mints just last week. Teeth threatening to resign in protest.

Four posts (counting this one) until stupid Radiohead DVD post dies. Still don't have copy of Radiohead DVD but sick of reading about it. Particularly sick of incredibly lame "this makes me smile" tagline. Wonder what I was thinking. Was probably stoned.

Caroline sits behind me when I use her computer and it freaks the hell out of me. Can't even type properly.

Caroline going to beach. Family going to Germany. Hate all loved ones.

Thinking of moving into townhouse next year. Need to convince potential roommate not to abandon Athens in favor of trip to Antarctic. Suspect "nobody understands my problems" feeling actually justified in this case.

Want to write weekly religion column. Would start by criticizing faith-based persecution, then would criticize legislated morality, then smear douchebag apostle Paul. People who say living in bible belt no fun are full of it.

Hate new Jennifer Lopez song. Repetitive loop of saxophone most annoying sound in world. Lackluster vocals and inane lyrics no better, inconceivable mass appeal actually worse. Hate hate HATE pop music. Also fail to understand fad for sped-up Alvin/Chipmunks vocal samples in rap songs. Only good new music damn Green Day album. And fucking sellouts U2 with their fucking iPod jingle. Bastards.

Bought underwear yesterday. Would not rate mention except that CK insisted on chitchatting animatedly with cashier about her candy purchases, making mildly awkward process of buying underwear unbearably humiliating. Model on front of package kept staring stupidly at suddenly more human cashier as he clumsily failed to scan it properly. Never really appreciated self-checkout before.

-N
Nick ::: 1:10 PM ::: 0 comments

Feb 22, 2005

And now it's time for...

THE AMAZING GALLERY OF CRAP PEOPLE WERE LOOKING FOR BUT ENDED UP HERE INSTEAD!
*** Presented for your perusal in descending order of whatever I feel like ***
{ NOW WITH HELPFUL ANNOTATIONS ! }

(drumroll please...)

  First of all we have
1. FEMALE SUPREMACIST
  and
2. FEMINIST BULLSHIT
  because lord knows where this blog would be without its extremist liberal politics.

  Next up are health concerns. There is no better place to look for info on
3. FLINTSTONES VITAMINS
  than your local college student's blog.

  Next is a group of those seeking religious enlightenment. First in this category is
4. RELAXING IN JESUS
  for the recreational worshippers. Next was a whole horde of variants on
5. BULLSHIT, JESUS, THOSE ARE TOTALLY MY FOOTPRINTS
  because some people just can't remember a quote. And last but not damned to eternal torment,
6. MOBSTERS SAVED BY JESUS
  - the ultimate proof of JC's redemption.

  Now we have
7. BRANDON PERLMAN.
  That one appeared twice - twice as many searches as for "NICK CIAROCHI." I was tempted to put this one in with religion, because honestly, are there no limits to self-worship? You can only google yourself so many times a day, and I know I can't be near the top of the list. I gave him the damn bagel almost a year ago, people!

  Finally, in the category of eerily close to home, we have a lonely search for
8. I SUCKED AT ACTING.
  What can I say? Ouch.
Nick ::: 1:27 PM ::: 0 comments

Went up to see financial aid people (OSFA) yesterday about $1000 that was not sent. Kept being politely told that request was probably just being processed, lost in mail, eaten by dog, etc. Was v. insistent, as have had dealings with OSFA before and know how they operate. When finally convinced loans counselor to check fucking computer record, counselor made funny face and said "well, that's unexpected. It looks like we really aren't processing it at all and just blew you off."

Flicked counselor off and shouted, "Well, that is unexpected! Nothing at all like I've been saying for the past quarter hour! And totally not in line with the usual M.O. of this fucking office-load of incompetents!"

Then suddenly cut back to five minutes ago, early-Ally-McBeal-style, and said, "Well, someone probably just didn't see the note. No big deal."

Anyway, $1000 is now actually being processed. Will take a week. Then will have some other random delay, to be sure. Fucking OSFA.

Sarcasm update: vicious.

New roommate has sort of moved in. Haven't actually seen him but have heard loud, drunken poker anecdote from other room. New roommate has sizable dog. Like dogs, but don't know what dog will do when backyard is parking lot. Also hope dog won't have to get ass whooped by cat.

Annoying person behind me jabbering loudly on cell phone. Am going to petition SGA to have loudmouth girls with cell phones banned from SLC. And dropped into deep pit full of vipers.

Trip to Alpharetta uneventful. What a surprise.

Am going to buy new computer. Current computer is, by rough reckoning, five or six years old. 466MHz processor, 6GB hard drive, VooDoo3, stock internal sound card; which is to say, current computer v. v. shitty. Has serious difficulty with photoshop images larger than postage stamps, completely incapable of playing even titchy quicktime movie previews, won't run any game less than four years old.

Have become oddly proud of intense shittiness of computer. But not too proud to replace it.

CK has gotten fucking iPod mini. Suspect fucking iPod more powerful than my computer. Suspect if CK doesn't stop gushing about fucking iPod, fucking iPod will meet with unfortunate accident. Word "fucking" new prefix for "iPod". Certainly makes more sense than "i" prefix, which means absofuckinglutely nothing; "fucking-i" perhaps means "fucking irritating."

"Absofuckinglutely" prime example of infix. Linguistics classes paying off.

-N
Nick ::: 12:42 PM ::: 0 comments