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Apr 14, 2004

Since Garrett requested a rundown of the things wrong with the Matrix sequels, I figured I should oblige, just in case they aren't as obvious as I think they are. I'm not going to name all of them, but here are a couple of the real stinkers:

1. Neo looks like a total douche when he flies, as demonstrated in the last second or so of the first movie. So what did they do in the sequels? Make Neo's main power flying. He fights by flying, saves people by flying, runs away by flying, and of course moves around by flying as well. Bo-ring.

2. Agent Smith was scary and cool because of Hugo Weaving's great performance. Every word, mannerism, and glance in the first film seethed menace without needing any over-the-top displays of power. If you think about it, Smith gets into only three fights in the first movie, and loses two of them. But instead of playing to the strengths of the character, the idiot filmmakers turned him into a horde of comically unscary CG thugs. Hugo is an actor, not a motion capture model!

3. Trinity was a total badass in the first movie, Neo's bitch in the second, and dead in the third. That is not what I call character development.

4. The Wachowskis can't write dialogue for shit, so like the idiots they are, they decided that the sequels should ride completely on dialogue. Most of the film's crucial scenes and all of its plot goals boil down to people talking to other people about shit that doesn't make any sense. "We will go into the Matrix and talk to the Oracle!" "We will go to Zion and talk to our leaders!" "We will go back into the Matrix to talk to the Merovigian!" Even Reloaded's supposed "climax" was just Neo listening to that obnoxious Architect blathering on and on. And from what I've heard, the central goal of Revolutions is to talk to the machines. Woo, that sounds exciting.

5. The plot of the sequels is neither clear nor interesting. Neo & Co. just plod around the Matrix talking to a bunch of bizarre, but ultimately useless characters. No one has motivations for what they do, and more than half of the stuff we see has no bearing whatsoever on the story.

This is obviously a much-truncated list. There's no reason to dredge up all of the problematic details in the sequels, it's just a quick overview of some sweeping problems.
Nick ::: 6:36 PM ::: 0 comments

Last night NN and three of his friends were up until 3:30am freestyle rapping at the top of their lungs in my living room. He's moved a hugeass speaker into the common area and he just runs the same goddamn gangster rap mixtape on repeat at top volume 24 hours a day. I got sick of it and unplugged the damn thing, but when I went to get a snack out of the fridge, I found that he'd taken all of our perishables out to make room for a keg that's so goddamn big that he has to hold the fridge door closed with a chair. Then I was doing laundry, and when I went to clean out the lint screen, I found a bunch of scraps of brown paper: apparently he had a pressing urge to dry a blunt.

We're going to have a nice little chat. And if he doesn't straighten the fuck up I will have him thrown out this time.
Nick ::: 5:49 PM ::: 0 comments

Apr 12, 2004

[ Much as I hate to bug you with so much Christian material right in a row here, I received this in the plain old snail mail box today, and its healing power affected me so much that I just had to share it with you. I copied it all down verbatim...formatting, color, capitalization, and all. ]

Dear...Someone Connected with This Address,

People just like you are writing to this 53-year-old church, telling us of all types of blessings since this church started praying with them. They are receiving divine help in the form of answered prayer. Some are seeing loved ones saved, and many of them are receiving spiritual, physical and financial blessings of all types - better jobs, raises in salaries, being able to buy and sell homes, buying new cars, and so on. Actually, these dear people are receiving so many blessings that it is impossible to mention them all in a letter. And, as you will read in the enclosed brochure a sister used the same type of Bible faith prayer rug that we are sending to you, with this letter, and was blessed with almost $50,000! Now, we must talk to you about something we see, in the Holy Spirit, concerning you and your family's needs.

GOD'S HOLY BLESSING POWER IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE ARE LOANING YOU TO USE!!!

WE MUST GIVE YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY FIRST...THEN IT MUST GO TO THE HOME OF ANOTHER DEAR FRIEND WHO NEEDS A BLESSING... You, or someone connected with this address, and another dear family are about to be blessed through this unusual, Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug, which we are placing in your care for these next 24 important hours. Because of any needs you are facing, we want you to use this Church Prayer Rug first, then we must pass it on to another dear friend of ours who also needs a blessing. As we pray for you and everyone connected with this address, WE FEEL THAT SOMETHING VERY WONDERFUL IS TRYING TO COME TO YOU.
When you use this Faith Church Prayer Rug, go into a room where you can be alone (just God and you). Turn off the television or radio and try to be by yourself when you kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug, or spread it over your knees. We want this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug to be touching both of your knees as you pray for the needs you are facing right now. It is going to be like you are kneeling before God All Mighty at the altar inside a great church of blessings. If you need more joy, peace, health, money, a new car, a new house, healing in family communication, or whatever, we, as a very old (53 years) church, want to know about it. Check your prayer needs on page two of this letter. Talk to us. This power you and this church ministry are about to use works!

These next 24 important hours are crucial to you. Timing is important to God. After you kneel on this Church Prayer Rug, or place it over your knees, place it in a Bible, on Philippians 4:19 (if you have a Bible - if not, it's okay - just slide it under your side of your bed, for tonight, if you can. (If you can't do this, it is okay.) Leave It There No Longer Than Tonight Only! God sees.

Then, in the morning it is a must that you get this unusual blessing Church Prayer Rug out of this house and back to us, here at the church's chapel prayer room, in faith. And, we must also have page two of this letter back, with whatever you need prayer for printed on page two of it. You must get this Bible Prayer Rug back to us so we can rush it onto another family that's in need of a blessing. Do this without fail. Please, do not break this flowing of power between us.

Notice the face of Jesus on this Church Prayer Rug. When you first look, you will notice that His eyes are closed. If you relax and continue looking straight into His eyes, you will see His eyes slowly opening, and He will being looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs (Philippians 4:19). Use this unusual, important, Church Prayer Rug for tonight only.

Let us ask you: Would you like to have God's blessings upon your home, your family and finances? Say, "Yes, Lord Jesus, I do need Your financial blessings upon me and my family's finances!" Deuteronomy 28:6. Just put a mark (V) by your needs below, telling us that you want prayer. Also, check any other needs you are facing. Pray about sowing a seed gift to the Lord's work. Give God your best seed and believe Him for His best blessing (St. Luke 6:38). Now, go and use this Church, Faith, Prayer Rug. The Lord is watching and waiting. You are about to enter the Holy Spirit of God right here in your home, through this faith exercise. Then, it is a must that you return it for another to use.

Your Brothers & Sisters in Christ
Saint Matthew's Church
Friends of Jesus for 53 Glorious Years!

[ Enclosed was a brochure featuring pearls of wisdom like the following: "...before doing anything, I sat and read it about how fortunate a family who succeeded was. After I read everything I was alone and prayed for all, and that I would like things to go right..." Also included was a little questionnaire with a return envelope, and a folded-up piece of paper with a purple drawing of Jesus on it. I assume this was the "rug" they kept going on about. The best part is that the brochure and the unusual, important, Holy Ghost, Faith, Church, Two-Ply Prayer Rug were printed in the same cheap two-color ink process. I'm saved! ]
Nick ::: 5:22 PM ::: 0 comments